After a long day at the office, Dr. Scott Petit couldn’t wait to get home.  As he approached his car, what appeared to be a sleeping squirrel on his hood turned out to be none other than an enormous pile of —

“Shit! What the hell happened here?” Tommy, a resident doctor, appeared behind him.  “That is just nasty!  Who would do that?”

Scott shook his head. “Someone who mistook my car for a toilet.”

“Ah, man, I will never complain again when a bird poops on my windshield.” Open mouthed, he stared at it.  “That is just ginormous!”

“Funny thing is I think I know who did this.”

“You do?” Tommy looked incredulous.  “So, this has happened to you before?”

“No, but I’ve been treating this patient who suffers from delusions.  During our last session, when I inferred the voices he was hearing were manifestations of his mind, he lost it….said something about leaving me proof.”

“Hmm. If it was him, it wasn’t proof he left you, doc.  You know, we can look at the building’s security cameras and find out who pulled this crap.” Tommy chuckled at his own pun.

The security staff provided them with the day’s footage, and it didn’t take long for Scott to identify the patient.

“Yeah, that’s him. I can tell by that awful hair piece.”  They watched as the patient walked around the car, shaking his head and covering his ears with his hands, before climbing on top of the hood.  After pulling off his trousers, he crouched and —

“Okay, I’m outta here!” Tommy got up from his seat, disgusted. “No dinner for Tommy tonight.”

As they exited the room, they could hear the patient sobbing, and voices screaming at him, “Shut up, shut up, shut up!”